Hi guys :)

Sometimes i wish, when i reach home from a long tiring day out, someone will say" Hey darling, how's your day? " Rather than just war at home. No idea how it felt like having someone there really there to hear you out and worry about you and really want the best out of you, by showing care and concern. I grew up in a place where love , is shown by beating, where care, is shown by nags and scolding. I know people still cares. But do they know how much it hurt whenever i get scolded for nothing, and linked to other stuffs? Like when i just didnt do something, i will not get scolded only for not doing something, but for being lazy for being stupid, for always not be home, for always not doing housework etc. I mean like. come on, who on earth likes to stay at home when all you get is scolding? And never once praised you for something good you do?

I dont tell many people about my problems. But whenever i share, who understands? I am suppose to be like those people who just heck care, just be use to it or whatever . I mean like if its so simple, i would have done it. You all have what you want. Maybe not, but you guys have more than i have. I want what you have, and you dont want what you have. I want someone to go shopping with me, and help me pay for things i like. I want someone to have dinner with me together at night. I want laughter at home. I want to be dependant on someone at home. But what do i have? I have to be independant. Since young, i need to work for what i want. Laptop, phone, everything is my own money. Overseas trip no sponsorship. Nothing at all.

Ok, maybe im too greedy. But why not at least i get to see you once a week? Where are you?

Im no good enough for everything. I dont deserve anything i guess.

And who actually understands how i feel? No not you.

Any idea why i am working so hard, to study hard and do well for exams? No one stress me to study. Even if i end up no where, no one really cares. My ama once told me " You dont want study also can what, dont need waste our money. Next time grow up you can be a housewife. Dont need education." But why do i want to work hard? Because i want to be your proud daughter, able to tell your friends that "Hey! my daughter is very smart. She's earning big bucks now! Good in studies, good in sport, good in everything! Im so proud of her" I just want to make you proud. But who actually know this? And who actually understands this too?

Oh well. Once again, where are you?

Have you given me a chance to show that i am worth it? No.