Part 1

Hello everyone :)

Long time no post again!! Just back home with my darling boy. Such a sweetie. Came to my hse to take care of me cause i had a real painful tummy ache. Lurblurb you ^^

Ok. Me went to the beach last night, and really though about soooooo many stuffs. But i will never forget what people tell me last night. She ask,
"why are you so sad over him?"
"Because i care"
"So why do you guys quarrel?"
"Because its my fault"
"Why is it your fault?"
"Because im too selfish"
"What makes you think so?"
So i went to tell the whole story to her. I said i felt very useless cause even simple small things i cant handle. And i aint good enough. So she ask me , if he treats me as good as i did.She asked me to name out all the things he did to make me happy, and the things that he did to me before, that i've never do before for him. This question, makes me think. Ok i could name out a few. But she keep telling me that i am good enough. I shouldn't think that in every quarrel, it will be me at fault.

Also, she says i care about others so much more than i care about myself. I think i dont deserve so much. I dont deserve someone to be there. And i dont deserve someone so good like you. But she kept on telling me that he dont deserve me . Im too good. Oh my, too good? You kidding me? I get jealous easily, i am sensitive, emotional, i am unreasonable etc. How does all these make me good?

I know whatever people tell me i shld listen. But im too stubborn. I know im no good. And i dont deserve someone so good. From young, i've got nothing good. So why shld i expect more when i grow up? Im no princess.

Ok, always pushing all fault to myself is something that i always do. I do blame people for something wrong, but at the end of the day, i will feel that its not their fault,but mine. In sooooo many cases, not only in a relationship. But doesn't this make things a little simpler? Not pushing the blame here and there, not blaming others for something wrong, not being so stubborn and think that "hey im right" And wait for someone to apologise. I am willing to take in all the blame for someone i love. Call me stupid, call me dumb. But this is me.

Ok damn. i cant type anymore because i need to go out now. THEY ARE WALKING TO MY HOUSE NOW AND I HAVEN EVEN PREPARE DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN. OK, PART TWO TMR. BYE GUYS HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

STAY TUNED!!! :)