Bad day

Hello guys. I'm So pissed today and I Prolly have no one to turn to. Everyone that meant something to me just have to piss me off today.

Funny how I just left house and Went to the nearest 711 and bought a pack of cigarettes. I turned to some smokes. Thinking that it would make me feel better.

I don't understand Why am I scolded because I cooked a pot of porridge. Main reason Why I woke up early in the Morning to prepare some porridge is because my dear boy have some swollen gum problem and He Can't eat any food that is hard. So porridge that is. So when I cooked that porridge, I Thought, I should cook some more for my family. So my ama can take a day off from cooking.

But when I was cooking it, She was still asleep. When I left house, She also was asleep. So I Thought Maybe when She wakes, She would be glad that brunch is prepared.

The horror I got is when I reached home, I saw some dishes on the table. Then I realise my ama did not realise that there was food prepared. I Thought Maybe we can still leave it for tomorrow.

After I came out from the bathroom after showering, I just got scolded. Again and again for cooking... millions of reasons to scold. Millions of harsh words thrown at me. What's wrong? I got scolded for not telling her I cooked. I got scolded for not waking her up and letting her know. Scolded for cooking So much. Almost every single shit you can think of, I got scolded for it.

Grateful. I Thought She would be. But I was wrong. I don't think this would happen to any other household except for mine. I think the porridge I cooked was damn good ):

So when I tell my dear boy about it, nothing much was said. Yeah. Can't blame him for always telling me to ignore her. I just Can't ignore whatever She said. I Can't do it. U can doesn't mean I can.

So I proceeded to do some bookings for the bkk trip That's I've been planning. Hotel and flight. Main problem is now the flight. I could only give staff travel for five other person except for me. I have a total of ten travelling. And the thing is that It's my first time using staff travel, I had absolutely no idea how it work.. So I Went to check it out.

Then I found out some horrible things that we might not be able to travel together in the same flight But on the same date. I simply ask for opinions Cause it seem like the most reasonable thing to do. To discuss about it. But it seem like no one wish to discuss about it. I've put in effort and compromises. But what I feel now, is whatever thing that would go wrong, would be entirely my fault. I just need a little bit of help and a little bit of support.

What happened to all my pillars of support?

You all know how easily stressed out I can get. When some bad comments are said to me, I will take it Seriously when I'm stress. a lot of Thought will go through my mind.

We all are going to this trip together. Why Can't we do it together? Because every single one of u is lazy? Excuse not accepted. I've Thought of a best solution to this issue after calming myself down.

Oh well, nothing much to worry about now after a few sticks and milk tea.

Come on. We are all in this together. Why am I all alone now. Feeling this way myself. Doing things alone. Making decisions myself. Although there is like lots of pros to doing all these myself. But how easy is it to make everyone happy? You expect to stay in a nice place But not everyone have the budget to pay. Then Why still expect So much. Guys! Compromise is a word created for a reason.

I've done whatever I could alr. And I Really hope things well be all good.

Oh well. Now I'm feeling So much better, last stick and I'm going home (: saying things out Really make me feel So much better. But I have no idea Who can I share with. My bestest friends are all gone. HAHA jiayan. How pathetic can u be...

When I see how parted I am to my good friends in 4e4 , I Really feel that pang in my heart. How did all these even happen. I Really Miss those times we were all together, celebrating everyone's birthday together. And I still remember how my 15th birthday was spent.

Now I'm just left with a handful. And most of them became aquaintance. So true, the older u get, the circle of good friends gets lesser while u actually have more friends.

I guess this problem is what everyone is experiencing. But I'm thankful for those Who stayed with me throughout. I don't know what I see myself in twenty years. Oh well... That's life huh.

Shall proceed to my last stick liaos. HAHA. Goodnight guys ((:

NTS: every effort u put in will be worthwhile because when everyone else is happy, u would automatically be happy to. Keep carrying on!